New England equivalent of Rednecks and CoonAsses?!?!?

[Botafogo]

This is all in fun but I was shocked today when I was sending out some holiday gifts for IK and I had to call him and double check the address info he had e-mailed me because two out of three of them (in Maine and NH) did not include street NUMBERS. Turns out they live in very rural areas where "the Smiths on old shale road" or "second house past the mill" gets you by just fine.

So, my question is, if Jeff Foxworth had to port his "You might be a Rednick if...." bit over to that part of the country, A) what would the noun be? and B) anyone got any good examples?

You know: if your idea of an aphrodesiac is a hot pail of maple syrup and an LL Bean catalogue...you might be a _______????

Cheers, Happy Holidays and thanks for the business, Carl.

[Innkeeper]

You are very welcome my dear Roberto.

[Bucko]

You know you are a redneck when you let your 12 y/o daughter smoke at the table........ in front of her kids.

[Drew]

You know you're from New England when:

You've taken your kids trick-or-treating during a blizzard.

You only own three spices- salt, pepper and ketchup.

You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.

The mosquitoes have landing lights.

You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.

You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.

The local Hardware store on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

You live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.

Making it home during Mud Season is a competitive sport.

You think everyone from the city has an accent.

You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.

You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.

At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.

The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

Your snow-blower gets stuck on the roof.

You think the start of deer hunting season is a national holiday.

You head south to go to your cottage.

You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

The town officials greet you on the street by your first name.

There is only one shopping plaza in town.

The major parish fundraiser isn't bingo- its sausage making.

You find -20F a little chilly.

The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.

You attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots.

You can play road hockey on skates.

Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.

You know the 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.

The municipality buys a zamboni before a bus.


AND........


New England Temperature Conversion Chart

Forwarded by Mark Sasahara, msasaharaphoto@mindspring.com

60 above
New Yorkers start to turn on the heat.
People in New England plant gardens.

50 above
Texans shiver uncontrollably.
People in New England sunbathe.

40 above
Italian cars won't start.
People in New England drive with the windows down.

30 above
Floridians wear coats, gloves, and woolly hats.
People in New England throw on a sweatshirt.

20 above
New York landlords turn up the heat again.
People in New England have another cook-out before it gets cold.

10 above
People in Miami cease to exist.
People in New England lick the flagpole.

0
Californians fly to Mexico.
People in New England get out their winter coats.

20 below
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in New England begin selling cookies door to door.

30 below
Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.
New England Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

40 below
Mt. St. Helen's freezes.
People in New England rent some videos.

50 below
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Cows in New England complain of farmers with cold hands.

75 below
All atomic motion stops.
People in New England say..."Cold 'nuff for ya?"

100 below
Hell freezes over.
The New England Patriots win the Super Bowl and the Red Sox win the World Series.

Drew [img]http://38.118.142.245/ubb2/biggrin.gif[/img]

[tandkvd]

Drew, I think that it is a little optimistic to think that -100 deg F could help the Patriots & the Red Sox could win championships.

I think the Red Sox proved the entire opposing team could have a heart attack and they would still find a way to loose.

And speaking of Red Necks.
We live in a 2600 sq. ft. home with plenty of room for my wifes family. But each year her family wants to have Thanksgiving Dinner at my wifes neises double wide tralor. Mainly because there are a couple of the men who stay out in the garage and put down one beer after another.
I took a bottle of wine and was the only one drinking wine. I had to balance my plate of food on my lap and set my wine glass on the carpeted floor. Yee Haw, can't wait for red neck Christmas.

[winedope1]

Drew- forgot a condiment- vinegar (for the fries). otherwise I have to agree with the list! to add: if you start directions by saying: you know where the ie.- Dunkin Donuts used to be?

[wondersofwine]

I like the one about the snow blower on the roof! Aren't some Maine residents called Down Easters? And is there a Flatlander tag?

[wondersofwine]

tandkvd,

Heard on the radio that during the Detroit-Green Bay game on Thanksgiving a man held up a sign saying:
Better a bad day with the Lions than a good day with the in-laws

[tandkvd]

Ahh, WOW I didn't figure you for a Dito Head! I heard about that sign at the Detroit game on Rush Limbaugh today also. [img]http://38.118.142.245/ubb2/biggrin.gif[/img]

I also was talking to an Episcapil the other day about drinking. But I had better stop at that. He made a remark that would offend some people here. But it was funny.

And my boss's directions to places in SC. Ya go down that road and turn left at the greesy spoon. Try finding a corner in SC with out a greesy spoon.

[This message has been edited by tandkvd (edited 12-01-2003).]

[quijote]

A ditto-head!?!

And what's that harmless, all-in-good-fun joke.... "How many Episcopalians does it take to make a whiskey sour?" ....something like that....

[winoweenie]

Is the punch line " Depends on iffn' they use soap? WW

[Thomas]

quijote, Ditto Head is the moniker proudly worn by those who blindly follow the Rush.

Kind of like how I feel about books for dummies--never buy something from or follow someone who starts the dialogue by calling me a name...Call me crazy, but it seems awfully close to showing contempt rather than affinity. But then, I am a sensitive urban effete!



[This message has been edited by foodie (edited 12-02-2003).]

[wondersofwine]

tandkvd,
I'm definitely NOT a Dittohead (Rush fan) but I listen to him sometimes to know what the opposition is saying. Some of those commentators drive me wild. Glad that homophobic, egotistical Michael Savage got his comeuppance and lost his tv show.
I consider myself in the moderate to liberal range (liberal on some issues but more mainstream on others). I do support the military and consider myself a patriot, but don't think questioning the administration on some things makes one unpatriotic.

[tandkvd]

Yest kidden WOW.

I'm not a Dito Head either. Although I am mostly conservative, but I do not blindly follow any person. Rush can be entertaining, but he is mostly full of hot air. My wife can atest to my hard headedness. And I'm not too thrilled with some of the decisions our President is making.

Contrary to popular liberal thinking, Christians living in the Bible Belt are not all "poor, uneducated and easily lead"

[Thomas]

tand--that sounds like a description of the people where I grew up: Brooklyn!

[quijote]

WW, when Episcopalians are making whiskey sours, I would hope that the "punch" line be short.... (groan)

And the rest of ya.... If you keep talking like that, pretty soon you'll do something radical and stop taking orders from Parker and other arbiters of taste! Treachery!

[winoweenie]

Love Ranger Parkers' directions. Hit the privvy ebber time. WW

[wondersofwine]

Funny about Episcopalians and whiskey sours. While I was in Charlotte I looked over the wine list in a hotel lounge and didn't see anything that looked inviting so I ended up with a whiskey sour--first one I've ordered in months. And now people are bringing up whiskey sour/Episcopalian jokes.

[zenda2]

Not exactly New England, but here's some Midwestern humor.

Iowa Tourism Council Bulletin: This list will be handed to each person as they enter the state.

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you'll do all week at the gym. Be nice to him. How'd you like to have to go home and tell momma you got tossed into a pigpen by a big kid in bib overalls?
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. We have four wheel drive/six wheel drive because we need it. Drive or get out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were six years old. Yeah, we all saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
5. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. Be sure you don't have it up to your ear or in your hip pocket at the time.
6. That's right. Good wine & whiskey is cheap. Yes, we can buy a fifth of X for what you paid for a glass at the airport. We know. It's called taxes. We don't like 'em.
7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. You can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the ham, cheese, eggs and turkey.
8. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. Impressive. We have three hundred thousand dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. You know it's a religious holiday because you can get breakfast at the church.
10. Every person in every pick-up waves. It's called 'being friendly'. Nice, huh?

[tandkvd]

Zenda, #2 "Drive or get out of the way"

In Charlotte with all of the northern transplants it's: " Lead, Follow, or GET THE $%@# OUTA THE WAY!!! [img]http://38.118.142.245/ubb2/biggrin.gif[/img]