First tasting

[Thomas]

...of course, in order to say it tasted like cat's pee one must have tasted cat's pee for reference...

Cadell, your descriptions sound fine to me, however, you are writing off sparkling wine and I ain't glad to hear that. Try some Prosecco (look for Bellenda Brut) or maybe a Spanish Cava (Cristalino Brut) or, if you can find it, a fine Finger Lakes sparkler (Glenora makes great Brut and Blanc de Blancs).