Dry, Medium, Sweet, Crisp, Heavy???? Argh!

[musicalhamster]

Hi. I work in an off-license that sells a lot of wine in an affluent area. I know a little bit about which wines are dry, medium etc... I want to know much better what is waht! Also, we have a new girl who i happen to know. She knows nothing about wine and wants an idiots list of which wine is which.
Basically, if I give you a list of wines, can people please rate them for me? Reds on heaviness (1 to 5, 5 being heaviest) and whites on dryness (1 to 5, 5 being driest, 3 being a medium, and 1 being sweet). I would be extremely grateful.
Thanks, Simon

By the way, I realise that there are variations between vintages etc, but if a general idea could be given by the rating, that would be great.

Cabernet Sauvignon
Shiraz
Pinot Noir
Merlot
Chianti
Beaujolais
Rioja
Pinotage
Valpolicella
Chateauneuf du Pape

Sauvignon Blanc
Chardonnay
Chablis
Riesling
Chardonnay-Semillon
Frascati
Colombard
Pinot Grigio
White Rioja
Chenin Blanc
Soave
Sancerre