New England equivalent of Rednecks and CoonAsses?!?!?

[zenda2]

Not exactly New England, but here's some Midwestern humor.

Iowa Tourism Council Bulletin: This list will be handed to each person as they enter the state.

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you'll do all week at the gym. Be nice to him. How'd you like to have to go home and tell momma you got tossed into a pigpen by a big kid in bib overalls?
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. We have four wheel drive/six wheel drive because we need it. Drive or get out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were six years old. Yeah, we all saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
5. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. Be sure you don't have it up to your ear or in your hip pocket at the time.
6. That's right. Good wine & whiskey is cheap. Yes, we can buy a fifth of X for what you paid for a glass at the airport. We know. It's called taxes. We don't like 'em.
7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. You can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the ham, cheese, eggs and turkey.
8. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. Impressive. We have three hundred thousand dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. You know it's a religious holiday because you can get breakfast at the church.
10. Every person in every pick-up waves. It's called 'being friendly'. Nice, huh?