Italian food

[Randy Caparoso]

Okay, the Randy Caparoso school of impressing the date:

1. Don't worry about the quality of the wine. It's hard to find really bad tasting wine these days. The important thing is to look good doing it. So practice gazing at the wine list. Furrow your brows a little, and maybe raise one side or the other just after you turn a page.

2. Now, you may not know what you are reading, but you do have to look for the price. If you order anything less than $25, and she should happen to find out, you're not going to look good. I suggest looking for something around $28-$38. Not cheap, yet very, very good (trust me -- I know my wine, and that's MY price range).

3. I'm also supposing that you've chosen your entrees. If what you've ordered is veering towards salad and white seafood in white creamm or butter sauces (not red, garlicky sauces), then you need a white wine. If your dishes involve meat (carpaccio, beef, veal, etc.), mushrooms (porcini), and tomato sauces, then you need red wine. If you're looking for perfect match-love, let her order first, and then you order something in the same vein -- telling her that you really do have a lot in common. The advantage to that is that whatever wine you order, it will wisely go with both of your courses.

4. Okay, am I being too complicated? Hope not, because now you have to order the wine. I want to make it easy for you, so please listen: If you need a white wine, order a Pinot Grigio between $28 and $38. If you need a red wine, order a Chianti Classico in the same price range. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THE PRODUCER OR VINTAGE! It's the TYPE of wine, and how you pronounce it, that matter most. To repeat: Pinot Grigio for white, Chianti Classico for red. These are all-time classics, man.

5. Now for the pronunciation. Say Pinot Grigio like an Italian: PEE-no GREE-ggee-o. Let it roll off your tongue, with emphasis on the PEE. Trust me -- idle conversation can't get any sexier. As for Chianti Classico: kee-AHN-tee CLASS-see-ko. Let it roll; and maybe with a light flicker of the hand as you point to it on the wine list.

6. Finally, remember: you will need to have the waiter looking over your shoulder in case you have to point to exactly which Chianti or Pinot Grigio you want (there might be several brands available). But make it look like a conspiracy -- like the two of you are cooking up something really, truly special.

Like I said, it's not what you know, but how you do it. And besides, I just gave you some sound food/wine matching tips to go along with it.