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+--- Thread: Happy St. Patrick's Day! (/thread-13354.html)
- Georgie - 03-17-2004
Top of the mornin' to ya, everyone! Hope you have a great wearin' of the green day! Here's one to start you off!
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
- winoweenie - 03-17-2004
And a happily back at youse Georgie girl.WW
And now...An Irishman was walking around JFK with tears streaming down his cheeks. An Airline attendant walked up asked him softly " Already Homesick ?" " No " replied the Irishman " I've lost all me luggage ". "how'd that happen?" she asks. Looking pathetically sad the man replied " The bloomin' cork fell out! "
[This message has been edited by winoweenie (edited 03-17-2004).]
- Bucko - 03-17-2004
Or the Irishman who slipped and fell hard onto some sharp debris. He felt something warm running down the back of his leg and replied "Please God let it be blood."
- Innkeeper - 03-17-2004
May ye all spend a week in heaven befoe the deevel knows you're dead!
- Georgie - 03-17-2004
Well, I've got a million of 'em. Here are three of my favorites.
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
< Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father.."The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun!"
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk just sits there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either.....
- Kcwhippet - 03-17-2004
My turn, I guess.
Patrick had been in the pub since early on and finally last call came and went. The pub owner told him it was time to close and Patrick just had to leave. As he got off his stool he fell flat on his face when he tried to get up he fell down again. So, he thought to himself, "I'll just crawl to the door and pull myself up by the jamb." Well, he tried and fell down again, and then again. Now he decides to just crawl home since it's only a short block away. He got to his door and tried to get up again, but fell again. So, he crawled up to the bedroom and fell into bed, asleep as soon as he hit the pillow. The next morning, he was awakened by his wife yelling "You were at that pub again till closing, weren't you?" "How did you know that," asked Patrick. "The pub owner just called and said you left your wheelchair there again!"
- Georgie - 03-17-2004
That's terrible, KC! but funny!
- winoweenie - 03-17-2004
Another old saw.....O'Brians' ub was located acreoss the street from the towns' only house of Ill Repute. Looking out the window one morn early the saw the Batist preacher going in the front door. O'Brian says to Casey, " Tis a shame that the Baptists have a Minister with so little willpower ". An hour later they look over and the towns only Rabbi is entering by the side door. Casey sats to O'Brian " I can't believe the local Jewish congregation could have this kind of leader. An hour later, Lo and Behold they see their priest entering ....O'Brian says without hesitation " One of the poor lassies must be terribly ill".
- hotwine - 03-17-2004
Love those old jokes. And a Happy St Paddy's to one & all. And Erin go ........ whatever.
- winoweenie - 03-17-2004
" Find a Bra". ww