+- WineBoard (https://www.wines.com/wineboard)
+-- Forum: GENERAL (https://www.wines.com/wineboard/forum-100.html)
+--- Forum: Rants & Raves (https://www.wines.com/wineboard/forum-12.html)
+--- Thread: complete nonsense (/thread-13049.html)
- Glass_A_Day - 02-19-2007
SOME THOUGHTS
>
>
>
>
> I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
>
> Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
>
> The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
>
> To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
>
> When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
>
> The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
>
> A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
>
> A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
>
> Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
>
> We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply
>
> When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U C L A.
>
> The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
>
> The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
>
> The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
>
> If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory
>
> A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
>
> What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway)
>
> A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
>
> Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
>
> A backward poet writes inverse.
>
> In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
>
> A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
>
> With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. ;
>
> Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
>
> When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
>
> The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
>
> A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
>
> You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
>
> He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
>
> A calendar's days are numbered.
>
> A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
>
> A boiled egg is hard to beat.
>
> He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
>
> A plateau is a high form of flattery.
>
> Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
>
> When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
>
> When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
>
> Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
>
> Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
>
> Acupuncture: a jab well done.
>
> black dandruff seems to go well with evening wear
>
> his wife is sweet, really sweet, after a fashion - even sweeter after an old- fashioned.
>
> when I was a boy 10 cents was big money..... My how "dimes" have changed.
>
> the cow was irritated, and said to the milkmaid.. "go ahead, see if I give a dram"
>
> He's a bachelor... therefore, you know he has no children to speak of.
>
> my father invented the inkling.....a tiny fountain pen.
>
> heard about the alcoholic lion tamer...............he was a beast of bourbon!
>
> what do mortuaries and rest rooms have in common...........when you've got yo go, you've got to go!
>
> the magicians act was unprepared, unrehearshed and uncalled for.
>
> a bedtime moral for every person..............one good turn gets most of the blanket.
>
> He gave me a poultry sum....you must mean paltry....I mean poultry.....it was chicken feed.
> Be what you is ,
> cause if you be what you ain't,
> you ain't what you is.
- Bucko - 02-19-2007
That's a two-groaner....
- TheEngineer - 02-20-2007
GAD....umm...that's quite a ...umm... collection..... quite night???
- Glass_A_Day - 02-20-2007
I know, I know. The truth is, to save some dough as a new homeowner, I have stopped my cheapo $10 bottle of wine every night. Hey it added up to $3650 a year. Anywho, this is what resulted.
- wondersofwine - 02-20-2007
Gotta get you back on the juice! (Actually, I liked some of those such as the daycare one. Having a great-niece who will be three in June, I can understand resisting a rest.